"The day I realized my words WANDER"

I said with the utmost sincerity, "Baby listen to me, I have the answer to your dilemma!  I can help you if you follow this map!"

A moment of silence passed and then came the words that yielded an uppercut to my mid-drift.  "Mom your lecturing me!"

What the hell I thought! That is when I realized that the words I spoke were of no significance, importance, value, or even substance to the listening ear of the younger than 30 population.  My words are germs in an infested void swimming for a place to land.  Gust of air pushing my words around as they float to a place of no value, and then they land.  In the darkest of the receivers existence the word land only to be bounced in an attempt to not receive the germ of, "I told you so."  Antibiotics, cold medicines, avoidance and distance are digested to wash away the germ until the youthful immune system has no other recourse but to embrace the germ.  The germ stays dormant in an incubus state in the belly of the youth until it evolves from the mouth of its host 15 years into the future: wiser, stronger, and aggressive.  The germ then continues the cycle once again wandering in the infested void seeking a new host, you.

The day I realized I missed my son...

May 27, 2011:

The thought penetrated my moment with an aggressive force.  It happened all of a sudden, I realized that my only son has not spoken to me since February 2011.   Darn, can a person be that angry, or just not able to say I miss you.  Can a child remove himself from your world just as quickly as he arrived?

We waist time being angry over things, events, situations and interpretations that are unchangeable.  We lose moments that could be cherished as reminiscent joy.  The remaining person who is apart of this situation will carry all the what ifs to their grave. What a painful thought!  Sorrow, pain, remorse, joy, laughter, are emotions that can stop or continue a life time of memories.  

Son, I'm not mad or annoyed that your decision not to speak to me is still fueled by your judgment of the way I want to live my life.  One day you will be judged and that day before your judgment I pray you will realize your not exempt from being judged yourself. The only difference from your judgment and God's judgment is eternal life with him.  My prayer to God is that you forgive all who you feel have wronged you and forgive yourself for all of those you have wronged; God have mercy.

I will say this to you, I still see the little boy in you still trying to hide your true identity. I will love you today just as I did when I anticipated your arrival into this world.

Violet

Do you have an Opportunist in your company or on your team?

Today 5/26/11:

 

My day began with an hour long prayer asking for mercies from GOD, while covering my new day’s events, travels, and interactions with friends, family and colleagues.

Arriving at work my normal arrival time, 8:00 am, I arrived anticipating a report that was suppose to be created by a Senior Leader of the organization.  Two times this week I visited him in his office; Monday and Wednesday.   In his response to my visits he promised he would have the report prepared and emailed to all the committee members by late Wednesday.  The project’s directive from the assistant director was to hold this project to the highest in priorities of the committee’s members responsibilities, so I thought.  So what the hell is going on when a damn Senior Leader of an organization sets the tone of the project’s continuation by not living up to the deadline he set for himself?  The team was ready to review the document! As I sat there these thoughts ran through my mind:

• Is this organization a JOKE when compared to the private industry?
• Are the values of the organization, set by Senior Leaders, only for the lay employees? 
• Who is held accountable in this situation?
• Who tells the leader he/she is not stepping up to the expectations of the team?
• Do we just whisper amongst ourselves about the inefficiencies within the hierarchy methodology?
• Why am I still here Lord?

  
Yes, in case you were wondering, I do believe that it is important for an individual to feel valued in their organization so they will engage in their work duties more efficiently and enthusiastically.  

Just as a footnote:

• When an individual is devalued by being left out of a team’s acknowledgment it is perceived that they are only valuable when extracting ideas for the betterment of the acknowledged individual or team goal.

Let me elaborate so you can understand what the hell I am talking about.  On this same project there was a report created two weeks ago that was prepared only to look at the demographics of the employee population of this organization.  I initiated the analysis, did all the work, charted the data and presented it to the team.  Again self initiated!  I thought about the internal population we were serving and how the projects overall goal should align.  The report included three types of target populations: 30-40, 40-50, and 50-60 employees.   After I presented the analysis to the group the "Opportunist" decided to ask for my help in stratifying the data of an SWOT analysis.  This darn woman combined my report and her report, which she supported the SWOT findings with my analysis then presented it in a report to the team.  Oh hell, I forgot to mention we both lead the SWOT.  At the very next meeting the team leader referenced to the report she presented with both our names on it as her report.  Wow!  The individual then openly on numerous occasions accepted the full credit for this work.  Now, hold the hell up!   I think I identified an opportunist?  I have never met one in my adult life to date.  For those who don’t know what one, opportunists, looks like just stand and look around.  They may be a director, manager, supervisor, or even a departmental colleague so you must watch out.  They will sting you hard if you’re not careful  and they will do it right in front of everyone.  Unfortunately, what the opportunist does not understand is that stealing ideas only work temporally.  When you’re placed in the position you jockeyed for opportunist, your left to produce immediately.

 

Remember opportunists, the individual(s) you stepped on climbing up is the one who will be needed to sustain your new position!  It all comes full circle, thank GOD. 

So wounded warrior, wait for the next opportunity to counter. 

 

Strategy: 

1. Stayed prayed up!
2. Stay away from the opportunist when team selection is needed. Hell, pick your own partner.  But be ready to pull you weight if your other team members are late majority. More than likely this will be the case. 
3. Stay 5 steps ahead of the opportunist.  Trust me it will save your life.
4. Try not to become emotional during meetings; if your a woman act like the men that are around the table.  Speak with confidence and look the opportunist dead in the eye but remember pursue the table don't make it personal even though it is! 
5. Read everything pertaining to the project and make sure you can articulate your thoughts effectively
6. Try to attend all of the meetings as it relates to the project.
7. Keep the opportunist close but never reveal your strategy to them.

 

Math - The secret to the answer

Why do we have to add, subtract, multiply, or divide?  Is there a reason for knowing how and when to apply the tools that math offers?

HELL No, is the answer to those who don't know how to apply this methodology. But it is a new opportunity for those who know how to use this mystical technique. 

Practice is the key to mastering MATH.  It is very tricky but with constant determination and practice you can master any formula you put your mind to. 

Try this:

6/2(1+2)=               The answer is 9

Your smarter than you want to admit.

Are you in control of IT or is he?

   Oh Babe,

    The feeling took over my thoughts, emotions, and ability to move.  You stole it, my feeling, and kept reminding me you are in control of it.  You sucked it out while holding my bottom in the palm of his hand.  Then out of nowhere, the thrust came into my play area to remind me you were still in-control of my feeling.  How invigorating this uncontrollable sense felt.  You whispered into my ear while caressing my bottom gripping my hair with your other hand; I was not able to free myself from your strong hold over me.  I whimpered in delight as you continued to thrust into my play area forcing more whimpers out of me until your force of hot melting lava met mine.
     Moments passed before you allowed me to suckle on your pulsating engine.  You whimpered as your two large eggs contracted.  I was able to steal the remnants of your emotions.
     Take it again my love, my feelings!  I am not in control of how it comes out but you are. 

Violet
   

Working with a Theif

Hey you co-worker,

Do you know who in the Hell keeps stealing my papers from off my desk?  I have experienced this for the past 4years.  I leave a paper on my desk, personal information-work related research material for upcoming projects, and someone goes into my office and takes the papers.  Why do they feel the urge to take knowledge from me? Why do they seek the need to figure out what I am doing?  Well I guess they feel insecure or they want to know what I am learning or know.  I think from now on I am going to leave my books, study material, personal endeavors documents in my car.  I will only view during business hours work related material.  On my lunch break I will go to my car to study the juicy material the Thief keeps taking.

Reveal yourself you thief!

Damn, the struggle of internal growth is hard.


Violet

Reminding Me of Me

I have to remind myself:    

I have the best life.  Sometimes it gets hard and it seems unbearable but it seems that I am never board because drama, confusion, and happiness encompass my sphere; ME.

I have to remind myself:
Not to take for granted that I have a great, awesome, and loving husband who listens to me and looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world.  I often wonder what he sees in me.   

I have to remind myself: 
My job seems to keep me balanced.  One moment I am comfortable then the next moment I am reminded that I am at a zoo and all the animals are wandering out of their cages, so I lock my self in until 5:00pm.

I have to remind myself:

How can one be discouraged by the day events when they have no idea how the next moment is going to unfold.

I have to remind myself:
Who can be board with people when they don't know how they are going to act from one moment to the next because they can't determine what the person they are in direct contact with will do or say.

     I often remind myself that I am not in control of my destiny I just have to follow the map that is clearly in front of me; My Bible.

Violet

My One-Hour Lunch

    At my job I get an hour lunch, as most full time employees do.  I wanted to spend the $5.00 I had in my glove-compartment, my husband left me, on something greasy and fulfilling but those darn kids intercepted my desire plans.

    I was in my 11:15am meeting when my phone rang; it was the baby of my three children I gave birth to. Since we were at the climax of the meeting I thought it best to text her telling her I was in a meeting and was everything okay.  Those are the words I use to let my adult children know that I am detained in a meeting or on a conference call.  But they know if it is an emergency they need to text me back with emergency so I can determine how I need to proceed.  Well she did what I trained them to do. She wrote me, No I am not alright. Call Me! I jumped from my chair leaving my keys and papers on the conference-room table and went out into the hallway to call her back. I dialed 999-9999, the phone began to ring.  After a 1/2 ring she answered.  Her words were garbled and she was crying. My baby told me that her son's father, the JOKER, and she were fighting.  I immediately hung up the phone, went back into the conference room grabbed my keys and papers and left the meeting.  My office was right across from the conference room so I began aggressively trotting to my office to get my pocketbook and car keys.  It was 11:20am when I jumped into my car and vigorously left the job parking lot.

     I raced my butt down the highway going 70 mph on a 45 mph highway and before I realized it I was turning on the street of my daughter and the JOKER's apartment complex.  As I approached the entrance, low-and-behold, the JOKER was leaving the premises.  I u-turned my SUV and followed him.  Now, I don't ordinarily do things so spontaneous, I am lying, hell yes I do. I followed him a few blocks until he shook me in the wind; I gave up pursuit.

      When I arrived at their house the police were there to greet me, it was 11:35am.  I was surprised that my daughter called the police.  I was instructed by the dispatcher,who I was on the phone with while to chased the JOKER around the neighborhood, to tell the on-site police what happen and to give them the license plate of the white Expedition the JOKER was driving.

       Without a second thought I thought it was over for a moment and then in a blink of an eye, the JOKER, my grandson's father walked up to the police and turned himself in.  They locked him up right in front of the apartment they shared at 11:49am.

      It was all over for the moment.  I took my grandson out to the patrol car; at the request of the officer, to say goodbye to his father.  The cop took the baby out of my arms and allowed the JOKER to kiss his son and then the police took him to jail at 11:57am.

     I looked at my watch, I had 223 minutes to spare.  I gave the baby to my daughter and rushed back to the job.  On to the next meeting.  Wow, all in one hour and no one at the job was the wiser.

Violet

Butterflies, Stars, Moon, my LOVE

Man of my dreams,
  
    When I reminisce about my past I often think of the first moment I met you.  Well, most people have a story that represents that experience but my experience is a little different.
   
     You were always there but I really did not stop to notice you until one day on my front porch my mother and I watched you pass by.  It struck me as odd that I began to gazed at you as if you were the only person on a deserted planet.  I gazed at your walking rhythm, clothing, wave, and slight smile. Yes, there were other men around but you just had everything and I knew it.  How could the man of my dreams be right in front of me and I not know it?

      The next few weeks were very hard for me because I could not get you out of my mind.  Although, we were passing acquaintances there was something about you that stuck with me; not just curiosity.

      I have never been good at flirting but how in the heck could I get your attention I thought after weeks of agonizing over you from afar.  Were you approachable I toiled with?  Were you as sexy in private, you know what I mean, as you were in just passing.  Could you really appreciate me for who I am; mother with 3 children?  Were you looking for someone to share your days with? Were you involved with someone?  Night after night you were in my thoughts. I hope that wasn't considered stalking behavior.  I want to consider my behavior just plain curiosity.

     Weeks passed and you finally said more to me than just hello.  Remember, when you were playing catch football with the children of the neighborhood on that hot summer day.  I asked you why throw the ball so far for the children to catch.  You replied, That is what happens when you don't get "any".  The comment stunned me and without any hesitation I did what most women would have done I ran into my house and shut my door.  As I peered out of the peep hole looking at you you chuckled and continued to play with the children, tossing the ball back and forth.  I stood in my house with my back to the front door excited and shocked at the same time.  I then began to question myself, did I elude to him that I was interested, no I did not.  How dare he I thought, but delighted that you did.

     The note I sent to you a month or so later was an attempt to let you know that I was interested in you.  I have never been the one to be assertive with men but I needed to just have one night with this man.  If I was going to spend the rest of my life without the man of my dreams I wanted to have just one memory of a sensual pleasurable evening. You accepted my invitation to meet.

     What am I going to wear, what am I going to say.  I had those butterflies churning in my stomach that would not go away.
     We meet at a restaurant in center-city and he was everything I imagined him to be: suave, intelligent, polite, respectful and a gentleman.  I stammered over my words, which I still do today in your presence; you did not know this but I do. I decided what the heck and went in for the kill.  Look, I don't want to waist your time your aware that I am interested in spending a day with you.  No stings attached.  Damn I felt cheap but I just had to have that one memorable experience that I knew he would provide.  He looked at me, not frazzled one bit and said okay.  Damn, he was not suppose to accept.  My heart began to race with anticipation, what have I got my self into.

  The moment arrived, we were on our way to the hotel for the afternoon.  I was so scared my knees chartered as I sat down in the car, go figure. You were so relaxed and casual actually you act that way today and this is why when I am with you it still feels just like yesterday.  We pulled up to the motel and you turned to me and said, wait here.  Where in the hell was I going, Babe. You knew how I  felt, I wanted to jump out of the car and run; it must have been written on my face.  I said, OK.  I waited until you returned.

  That first kiss was the beginning of the days we have shared to date.  Each sensual kiss reminds me of the first time you pulled me to you and sparks flew as high as the stars and moon.  We are still together and I can say that I am still entrenched in you always anticipating many more years of adornment. 

Violet


   
 
   
     


   

The Frantic Spirtual Swan

Camouflaged Swan,    

     We often reference to you as graceful and majestic.  Are we really viewing you as what you really are; scared, viewable birds trying not to become devoured by humans and the society they created? 

     Within the last few months, my colleagues have reference to me as that SWAN. At first I was taken back at the thought that I have swan liken characteristics but when I really thought about what many have said I then realized that my heart has those same characteristics and appearance of a swan.  Now, most might argue that we, humans, are the most powerful beings of this planet. The experts may also attest we are not at the bottom of the food chain but we really are small minute microscopic beings of the food chain.  
     Also recently, I noticed as we wait for each day to conclude its outcome of all situations, although not known, they are ordered by GOD. 
     Oh, that misunderstood SWAN! People may have their own interpretations of their  view of the SWAN but although graceful the under-cavity is frantically swimming for its life across that beautiful calm water.  How joyful and majestic the SWAN looks on the outside who mirrors you and I.

VIOLET

Yesteday is so far from my today!

My-my-my, 

    So many feelings surround the every day roles of parenting; one minute your in season and the next your out of season. The lives of the children you so delicately protected and nurture to be productive members of the future is not always what they turn out to be. 

    Remember when your children looked to you as the greatest parents on the planet; Earth? Remember when they secretly hid their boyfriend/girlfriends from you because you were the ENFORCER; at least at home? Remember their neighborhood peers looking to you as being the best parents in the neighborhood, not because you were always there but because you cared and it was evident. 

    Well, all that does come to a screeching halt at some point in this parenting cycle. The door to the world as you know does shut at some point.  The children you stayed up all night praying for eventually grow to be people you sometimes really don't know or understand.  They are different from the kids you spent so much time correcting and molding to be.

    Although we wonder How does this happen?  Is it society, is it a cultural thing, or is it just the way it is written to be?  

    Maybe, it is destined to be the way it is today because yesterday is meant to be the corrective plan for tomorrow.  

Violet